The Talk
by TenshiSuzume
Summary: Gaara becomes curious about where babies come from so Kankuro gives his brother a brief lesson in baby making. Disclaimer: I do not own.


Gaara scans the park below from a tree for a certain puppet master and an iron fan wielder. Still slightly disturbed from the memory of about 20 minutes ago during breakfast. If only he had kept his curiosity to himself and asked Baki for information instead of his siblings. It would have just been Kankuro involved but Temari happened to walk by and hear their conversation and decided to add her input.

"Gaara! Where are you! We still didn't get to finish that talk we were having!" shouted Temari from a distance. Gaara could see her in a distant part of the park and went further up the tree where he was hiding.

"Where'd you go lil bro? I didn't get to tell you the best part! don't listen to Temari's version she's full of LIES!" his older brother interjected and got smacked on the head by Temari's fan.

"Ow! that seriously hurt you psycho!" He complained holding his head.

"NO one calls me a liar! NO ONE!" Temari yelled waving her fan menacingly at Kankuro. then continued looking for her brother. Heading in the wrong direction with kankuro trailing behind still holding his head.

Relieved at having lost them Gaara sits down on the wide branch he was standing on and rests his head against the tree. The scene from this morning replaying through his mind.

============Sparkle back to 25 minutes ago=====================

He was sitting on his bed watching the sun rise, a question gnawing at his mind. He had just recently started to wonder about this "miracle" that some people were talking about while they where coming out of some hospital while holding a baby of unknown gender.

He had tried to follow the people to figure out what miracle had occurred but had to retreat after he almost got ran over by some old man selling grapefruits attracting the families attention.

A solution so simple came to him that he felt a little dumb for not thinking of it before, he'd just ask his brother. And if he was right Kankuro should be in the kitchen right about now. Heading down the stairs Gaara wondered if he should ask Baki instead, Kankuro always had a way of making things more dramatic than they were or making up answers if he didn't know anything. He opened the kitchen door and spotted his brother at the small island eating sparkling chunks. kankuro looked up and blinked a few times before saying anything, Gaara usually avoided going into the kitchen when someone else was in there since he didn't like other people to see him eat.

"Something wrong?" Kankuro asked a little concerned.

"No actually-"

"Did the ninja's come into your room in the night and violate you agian?" he said getting up ready to fight someone.

"...I was never violated-"

"It's ok if you don't wanna talk about it but remember big bro's here for ya." sitting back down and continued eating the chunks.

He must have been watching those soaps again Gaara decided and ignored his brother's idiocy.

"I actually wanted to know about this miracle some people were talking about the other day."

"Ok and what were these people doing?" He must wanted to change the topic from the night's violation Kankuro reasoned with himself.

"This family was coming out of Golden Cusp hospital holding a baby, talking about how it was a miracle and that they couldn't be happier now that their miracle was born."

Kankuro dropped his spoon on the floor with a loud chink and stared at Gaara. Finally he was interested in girls and it was his duty to give his little brother "the talk."

"Well you see Gaara they were talking about the baby." Kankuro stated in a teacher like way.

"And how was the baby born?" so that's what the family was excited about Gaara thought.

Kankuro pushed his bowl aside put on reading glasses and pulled a dry erase board from nowhere and began to draw some people, very badly.

"When two people love each other very much and decide they are ready to have a new addition in their lives," he pointed to the stick people and drew a giant blob " they decide to have a baby." he then pointed to the blob that looked nothing like a baby.

Gaara sat down at the aisle to get a closer look at the pictures confused.

"To have this baby they need a "special" ring that will grant them the power of "baby making,"" an oval with a square like thing appeared. "this ring can only be granted to the people by the magical cow that resides in The Forest Of Impending Death. To get there the couple must ride a canoe made entirely of twizlers and gumdrops. When they get there they must present the mystic cow with the seed of life which is found in the river of Stink 'N Splash next to The Forest of Impending Death. After the godly cow is satisfied by the seed of life and the couples collective stink they must do the Mating dance around the golden cow for seven days and seven nights. Then when they return and rest at home a baby covered in mint leaves will be dropped off at their doorstep in a small casket filled lily pads. And that my impressionable brother is how the miracle that is a baby is born."

When he was done drawing the board was covered in pictures of cows, baby blobs, dancing stick people, and a casket. Kankuro was quite pleased with his work and looked at Gaara waiting for a response.

"...You mean to tell me that that baby was made by people dancing around a mystic cow?" Gaara stared dumbfounded at his brother. Does that mean i was born this way?

"That has got to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard, even for you kankuro."

The brothers turned to see Temari leaning on the door frame looking at Kankuro like he had announced the world was made of cheese.

"It's not dumb it's true and scientifically true as proven yesturday by the giant floating pig!" Kankuro was aggravated to have his brotherly talk interrupted by their older sister.

"Ignore him Gaara, that's not how baby's are made." She said taking the board from Kankuro and erasing his pictures to draw her own. "When people love each other, or just plain horny they have sex."

"What's sex?" Gaara was feeling bombarded by information and didn't think he could take much more.

"It's when you put your thing in the girl's thing and mess around a bit and a month later the girl gets pregnant and your a baby daddy." She demonstrated this by using a bagel and a pretzel that was filled with cream cheese, squeezing out the cream in the bagel when she was done.

Gaara felt sick and couldn't believe the site he just witnessed.

"Don't listen to her Gaara! It's a LIE!" Kankuro yelled grabbing the food from Temari.

"It's not a lie it's all true! Believe ME Gaara not this moron!" Temari screamed attempting to take the pretzel bagel back from Kankuro.

Not knowing what to believe and feeling like the walls were closing in on him Gaara ran through the back door and out of the house.

====================sparkle back 25 minutes later============

When his brain stopped throbbing at the memory Gaara jumped down from the tree and began to walk on the stone path. Only to be tackled from behind.

"We FOUND YOU!" "Now we can finish the talk!" He was then dragged back towards the house to finish the tale of baby making.

"CURSE YOU MYSTIC COW! CURSE YOU!" Gaara yelled shaking his fist at the sky.


End file.
